Vous n’aurez pas l’Alsace et la Lorraine (1977) - film review

Here is an episode in the history of France which shame has compelled the French to forget... Whilst King Gros Pif I amuses himself at debauched banquets, his musketeers pursue their tax-collecting duties with a malicious zeal, terrorising and pillaging like there was no tomorrow.   Goaded by the court jester (who is also the Queen’s lover, although she is probably too drunk to notice), the King’s indecisive ministers finally decide to put an end to this loathsome regime, and they have the King locked up in his dungeons.  Hearing this news, the famous Chevalier Blanc (whose descendants were probably all named Maurice) comes to his rescue, armed with his trusty ballad.  Aided by the musical knight and his practical cousin Lucienne, the inconspicuous carrot-topped King flees to Flanders (how embarrassing is that?), where he devises a scheme which will win him back the throne of France...

Coluche had already become a national treasure by the time he came to write, direct and star in this film, a madcap historical romp with some similarities with some of the British “Carry On” films of the late 1960s.  Coluche’s brand of anarchic comedy was fresh and inventive for its time and features heavily in this film, the perfect vehicle for this comedian’s boundless wit and larger-than-life persona.

In this film, Coluche is joined by a very talented group of comic performers known as “L’Équipe du Splendide”, which included Anémone, Gérard Jugnot, Christian Clavier, Marie-Anne Chazel and Thierry Lhermitte.   Like Coluche, these hugely talented comedians had made a name for themselves performing comic stage acts in theatres and clubs, before making it big in cinema, with such films as Les Bronzés and Le Père Noël est une ordure.   In Vous n’aurez pas l’Alsace et la Lorraine, they give great entertainment value, particularly the feisty Anémone, although most of the troupe make only a fleeting appearance.

Whilst Coluche and L’Équipe du Splendide are excellent in this film, its real star is the previously unknown Gérard Lanvin, who plays the Chevalier Blanc (i.e. White Knight), a brilliant caricature of the historical adventure hero.  When the Chevalier Blanc is not demolishing the set in his attempt to save the day, he is driving all around him insane by singing his introductory number again, and again, with increasing fervour.  If the character is an inspiration on paper, it is Lanvin’s gloriously unrestrained performance that makes it a classic camp icon of French cinema.  Remarkably, this was Gérard Lanvin first film appearance, and is quite unlike anything he has done subsequently (alas).

Plotwise, the film leaves a lot to be desired.  Whilst the film consists of countless pleasing little moments, it doesn’t really make a satisfying cohesive whole.  It’s a struggle to make sense of the plot and Coluche may have done better to have worked on the script with a more experienced screenwriter.  That said, the film’s raison d’être is not to win awards for narrative coherence but to entertain, and it manages to do this without any difficulty.  The comic magician Coluche turns out a constant stream of funny situations and visual jokes – some of which are genuinely hilarious, raising a laugh no matter how many times you have seen the film.  Add to that some exquisite comic performances and the recurring "Chevalier Blanc" number (music by Serge Gainsbourg, sung by Gérard Lanvin), and the result is an uplifting, albeit totally insane, mix of musical comedy and historical adventure – a must-see film for any fan of the great Coluche.

© James Travers 2004

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