Michael Caine - biography

“A lot of my best parts I’ve been the second choice for, so you never get too egotistical about anything.”

“I thought I’d never be an actor but then I saw Van Johnson had freckles just like me.”

“I’ll always be there because I’m a skilled professional actor.  Whether or not I’ve any talent is beside the point.”

“I’m the audience’s representative on earth.”

“I’ve a soft spot for actresses.  When I was poor, they were the only people who were nice to me.”

“I’ve turned myself inside out.  I’ve played murderers, transvestites, drunks, everything.  I just thought: I’m 50 now, it might be nice to have a quiet life.  Romantic comedies are usually set in glamorous places, you don’t have to turn up in the Philippines jungle.”

“If I become a supporting actor, it would cut my money by three-quarters.”

“If you’re a movie actor, you’re on your own - you cannot control the stage.  The director controls it.”

“The first actor I ever saw was The Lone Ranger.  I thought, That’s what I want to do.”

“The putting on [weight for Educating Rita] was simple and delightful.  The taking off took longer.  I live in Berverly Hills, so I took the Beverly Hills diet.  I ate a lot of pineapple.  It made me spotty, so I ate a lot of Nivea cream.”

“At 69, I got the girl!  And it wasn’t a 68-year-old girl, either.”

“I felt a tremendous sadness for men who can’t deal with a woman of their own age.”

“I see myself as 38, but you don’t notice it.”

“If you think you’re going to be up for an Oscar, you schedule your moviemaking.”

“Oh, what a shock.  My career must be slipping.  This is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award.”

“To qualify for a Los Angelean, you need three things: (a) a driver’s licence; (b) your own tennis court; (c) a preference for snorting cocaine.”

“I read books like mad, but I am careful to to let anything I read influence me.”

“Anyone can write.  But comedy, you’ve got to do some writing.  You get one comedy script to every 20 dramas.”

“Comedy is underrepresented in every actor’s life, because it’s so bloody difficult to write.”

“The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.”

“I get worried if I have to take an aspirin.”

“For all my education, accomplishments, and so called ‘wisdom’...  I can’t fathom my own heart.”

“English is clipped in speech.  Texas is exactly the opposite.”

“Alfie was the first time I was above the title; the first time I became a star in America.”

“British films are box-office poison.”

“Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.”

“I can tell you that Christopher Reeve is not homosexual.  When we kissed in Deathtrap, he didn’t close his eyes.”

“I wouldn’t make an anti-American film.  I’m one of the most pro-American foreigners I know.  I love America and Americans.”

“I’m not interested in directing.  Now producing...!  I noticed when it starts to rain, the only person who goes back to the hotel is the producer.”

“January is the garbage can of movies in America, directly after all the Oscar contenders have been out.”

“I don’t think He belongs to any religion.”

“People who break their word in Japan kill themselves.  People who break their word here kill you.”

“I’m every bourgeois nightmare - a Cockney with intelligence and a million dollars.”

“I always give interviews.  If the Poultry Farmers’ Weekly Gazette rings me up, I’m delighted to be asked my opinions on things.”

“Be like a duck, my mother used to tell me.  Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.”

“Cockneys are poor, but they are never defeated and they always smile.  I’ll be a cockney until I die.”

“I did everything.  I ran my life exactly as I wanted to, all the time.  I never listened to anybody.  I’m pig-headed.”

“I’d rather go mad than see a psychiatrist.”

“Love is the great incentive - not just sex.”

“Anyone who says that money can’t buy you happiness is putting out propaganda for the rich.  I’ve had 35 years of not having any money and I’d now like, in all justice, fairness and decency, to have 35 years of absolute luxury - and if I can get, it I will.  But if I can’t, I won’t shoot myself.  I’ll shoot somebody else.”

“Save your money.  You’re going to need twice as much money in your old age as you think.”

“I hate all politicians.  They’re the biggest bunch of bums you can find.”

“I’ve never voted in my life.  I’ve no interest in secular politics or religion.  I was probably a Communist at 16, a Socialist at 22 and now I’m quite definitely a capitalist.”

“I’m a great romancer, not a libertine.”

“I’ve never been out with a married woman, never.  I respect others’ properties.”

“It’s not all that important to me.  It would be important if I wasn’t getting any.”

“The sins of the flesh have always been very attractive to me - all of them.”

“When you reach the top, that’s when the climb begins.”

“The standing ovation threw me...  to be held in such regard in a town so full of talent is quite something.”

“I’ve found out why war is hell - army authority is absolute.  You are defended and judged by the same kind of people who accuse and prosecute you.”

“In bed, the trouble with women is elbows.  They always have an arm left over - and that arm has an elbow.  Women have absolutely no control of their elbows.”

“My own mentality is that I’ve retired.  They send me these scripts and if I absolutely have to do it, then I go to work.”

“I prefer to remake flops.  Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was a remake of a flop, and The Quiet American is a remake of a flop.”

“I started with the firm conviction that when I came to the end, I wanted to be regretting the things that I had done, not the things I hadn’t.”

“I’m a sort of boy next door.  If that boy has a good scriptwriter.”

“Obsession is a young man’s game, and my only excuse is that I never grew old.”

“The absent are never without fault.  Nor the present without excuse.”

“There’s quite a lot of bad stuff written about me.  My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me.  But she is wonderful.”

“Things are not quite what they seem always.  Don’t start me on class, otherwise you’ll get a four-hour lecture.”

“When I’m doing an accent, you shouldn’t notice it for a while, if I’m doing it right.”

Michael Caine has appeared in the following films:
Yield to the Night (1956)
Sailor Beware (1956)
A Hill in Korea (1956)
The Steel Bayonet (1957)
How to Murder a Rich Uncle (1957)
A Woman of Mystery (1958)
Carve Her Name with Pride (1958)
The Key (1958)
Blind Spot (1958)
The Two-Headed Spy (1958)
Passport to Shame (1958)
Danger Within (1959)
Foxhole in Cairo (1960)
The Bulldog Breed (1960)
The Day the Earth Caught Fire (1961)
The Wrong Arm of the Law (1963)
Zulu (1964)
The Ipcress File (1965)
Alfie (1966)
The Wrong Box (1966)
Gambit (1966)
Funeral in Berlin (1966)
Hurry Sundown (1967)
Woman Times Seven (1967)
Billion Dollar Brain (1967)
Play Dirty (1968)
Deadfall (1968)
The Magus (1968)
The Italian Job (1969)
Battle of Britain (1969)
Too Late the Hero (1970)
The Last Valley (1970)
Simon Simon (1970)
Get Carter (1971)
Kidnapped (1971)
Zee and Co. (1972)
Pulp (1972)
Sleuth (1972)
The Black Windmill (1974)
The Marseille Contract (1974)
Peeper (1975)
The Wilby Conspiracy (1975)
The Romantic Englishwoman (1975)
The Man Who Would Be King (1975)
Harry and Walter Go to New York (1976)
The Eagle Has Landed (1976)
A Bridge Too Far (1977)
Silver Bears (1978)
The Swarm (1978)
California Suite (1978)
Ashanti (1979)
Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979)
Dressed to Kill (1980)
The Island (1980)
The Hand (1981)
Victory (1981)
Deathtrap (1982)
The Jigsaw Man (1983)
Educating Rita (1983)
The Honorary Consul (1983)
Blame It on Rio (1984)
Water (1985)
The Holcroft Covenant (1985)
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Sweet Liberty (1986)
Mona Lisa (1986)
Half Moon Street (1986)
The Fourth Protocol (1987)
The Whistle Blower (1987)
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Surrender (1987)
Without a Clue (1988)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
A Shock to the System (1990)
Mr. Destiny (1990)
Bullseye! (1990)
Noises Off... (1992)
Blue Ice (1992)
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
On Deadly Ground (1994)
Bullet to Beijing (1995)
Blood and Wine (1996)
Midnight in Saint Petersburg (1996)
Shadow Run (1998)
Little Voice (1998)
Curtain Call (1999)
The Cider House Rules (1999)
The Debtors (1999)
Quills (2000)
Shiner (2000)
Get Carter (2000)
Miss Congeniality (2000)
Last Orders (2001)
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
The Quiet American (2002)
Quicksand (2003)
The Actors (2003)
Secondhand Lions (2003)
The Statement (2003)
Around the Bend (2004)
Batman Begins (2005)
Bewitched (2005)
The Weather Man (2005)
Children of Men (2006)
The Prestige (2006)
Flawless (2007)
Sleuth (2007)
The Dark Knight (2008)
Is There Anybody There? (2008)
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired (2008)
Harry Brown (2009)
Inception (2010)
Cars 2 (2011)
Gnomeo & Juliet (2011)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)